Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men: How a Guy Can Survive a Home Improvement Project Without Losing His Sanity Or a Finger, by Dan Van Oss
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Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men: How a Guy Can Survive a Home Improvement Project Without Losing His Sanity Or a Finger, by Dan Van Oss
Best Ebook Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men: How a Guy Can Survive a Home Improvement Project Without Losing His Sanity Or a Finger, by Dan Van Oss
The fun if not functional handbook for the hopeful handyman!
"This is the funniest, absolutely the funniest, thing I have read in YEARS! Really... you can ask my wife!"
"Dan's style is like The Best of Dave Barry meets The Best of Dennis Miller."
"Humor is hard to do and Dan does it extremely well."
Guys: tired of being known as the only man on your block who can't change a flashlight battery without hiring an electrician? Wondering why your wife puts the local emergency room on speed dial every time you pick up a hammer? Peeved because your last home improvement project ending up costing more than your wedding? The Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men is for you!
Loaded with humorous, helpful tips, this book will guide you through the perils of plumbing, home repair and other common household handyman tasks with witty explanations plus tongue-in-cheek instructions for simple projects. Get the latest dubious home improvement tips on:
- Consulting your wife before starting: “When you are discussing a project with your spouse make sure to use calming, non-technical terms and phrases, such as 'cheap' or 'spackle will fix that.'”
- Saving money with insulation: “If you’re not familiar with insulation, it’s that stuff that rains down on you when you open the attic door and then makes you itch the rest of the day and wonder if you just got cancer.”
- Replacing a toilet: “Even though this is probably the most revolting job you’ll ever perform, it makes for great bragging rights to the guys at the office, who will be impressed that you did something so nasty yet cool, and that you’re not retching from a terminal case of toilet gingivitis.”
- How to build a saw horse: “This handy helper is great for raising projects off the floor, to make space so you can shove other unfinished projects under it.”
- Planting a tree: “Nothing beautifies a home more than a gorgeous, sturdy tree that the previous homeowner planted long before you showed up.”
Melding together the whimsical wit of Douglas Adams, the laugh-out-loud narratives of Dave Barry with a demented dash of “The Red Green Show", Dan Van Oss delivers a fun if not functional handbook for the hopeful handyman.
About the Author
Get Dan’s free starter library at danvanoss.com! Dan Van Oss (danvanoss.com) grew up reading just about everything he could borrow from the town library although admittedly sometimes just to get the sticker segments to paste onto the Reading Centipede for each book he finished. Raised on a diet of Dave Barry columns, Douglas Adams radio serials, and M*A*S*H reruns, Dan’s writing balances the line between laugh-out-loud hilarious and cleverly absurd. Dan’s had pieces published on humorwriters.org, won 2nd place in the Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction, was a semi-finalist in the humorpress.com writing contest, and was mentioned honorably in the Soul-Making Keats Literary Competition for Humor. He started writing during college, where he enjoyed getting red lines mercilessly drawn through his Creative Writing projects by his professor, and where he also penned a weekly column in the school paper under the pseudonym “Fletcher Ford”. You can catch his weekly humor column, the “Dubious Knowledge Institute,” at danvanoss.com. Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men: How a Guy Can Survive a Home Improvement Project Without Losing His Sanity Or a Finger, by Dan Van Oss- Amazon Sales Rank: #534178 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-06-02
- Released on: 2015-06-02
- Format: Kindle eBook
Where to Download Home Improvement Survival Guide for Men: How a Guy Can Survive a Home Improvement Project Without Losing His Sanity Or a Finger, by Dan Van Oss
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Funniest Thing I Have Read in Years! Just Ask My Wife! By Zoltan Korliss I don't even know where to start. Oh, wait. Let me check the supply list. Ah, there we go: HAMMER!This is the funniest, absolutely the funniest, thing I have read in YEARS! Really... you can ask my wife! She actually said to me, "this is the most I've seen you laugh in years!" And seriously, I had tears in my eyes within a few paragraphs. I didn't realize I'd tackled this many home improvement projects over the years, or made so many mistakes, but Dan Van Oss must have been hovering over my shoulder watching me.And he misses nothing. Nothing! I mean, the bit about getting distracted by trying to roll the little metal balls around in the clown puzzle you find in the kitchen drawer while looking for supplies... seriously, how did he know that?! Because I have done that!Van Oss' rambling style is hilarious. Hardly a sentence ends up where you expect it to, yet somehow, every sentence ends up pointing out yet another stupid thing you, or at least I, have done. It's almost an uncanny experience reading this book. Are all these things truly universal archetypes? Or does Van Oss launch a camera drone to hover over my house every time I pull the ladder out of the shed to embark on another project?The references to Star Trek, Emergency! and even The Rat Patrol -- yes, The Rat Patrol -- and the Donny Osmond poster thing, and... well, there are too many pop cultural references to, well, to reference.Will you learn anything from this book? I dunno. But as with any good tool, you can definitely injure yourself with it -- by laughing until it hurts!I gotta go get his other books!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. A great guide to home improvment! By Dave J Tips, guides, and ideas for the home improvement "expert" in all of us!. Just about everything that was in this book I have experienced in one way or another.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Great advice with a sense of humor By NoneYa How not to lose an eye or finger. That is how this approaches the idea.Good advice with a sense of humor.
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